when a balloon is not just a balloon...

I have been feeling really bad about myself lately. I have gained an unacceptable amount of weight- this has led me to extreme unhappiness which has led to excessive hair coloring which has led to excessive hair breakage which has led to hair much shorter than I want which has led to me feeling bad about myself. I've come full circle on the feeling crappy wheel...not that looks are everything, but I used to be thin and look fairly good- and now...yeesh...its just not fabulous!

At any rate there are certain times in life when the focus is totally taken off me and put in a much better place. Take my hospice work for instance. I feel so amazing when I leave my patient on saturdays...and my daughter has decided to go to the nursing home where she lives and play the piano to entertain the residents. Now that makes me feel good and proud. Sometimes its the little things.

Today was another one of those days. I was at work in the FMC gift shop this morning feeling fat and listening to my thighs rub together when a customer came in. He was an ordinary looking man, mid 70's, dressed in a sweater and polo shirt and a pair of khakis. He asked if helium came with the balloons and my first thought was "no, we give you a flat balloon and you just have to hold it up in the air. duh"...but I stopped that thought and told the man of course it did and asked how I could help him further. He told me he wanted a balloon for his wifes 75th birthday which she was going to be spending in the hospital. I told him I hoped she was ok and would have a decent birthday- as decent as it could be in the hospital.

He got tears in his eyes and told me his story. His wife had come into the hospital over two months ago with a bleeding ulcer...they had to give her God only knows how many units of blood and she just hasn't really ever woken up. He said that she wouldn't even see the balloon, but felt maybe she might know its there and it may cheer her. He told me she is on the palliative floor now- where they just keep you comfortable and she will probably pass away without them ever exchanging words again. He said he loved her and told me how long they had been married.

Well, I was bound and determined to make this the most beautiful balloon the hospital had ever seen...he chose one and I deck it out with tons of ribbon and made it look as nice as possible. Then he asked how much he owed me.

How do you put a price on that? How can I tell him, "sir, this balloon that your wife will never see really only costs a pittance, but has worth beyond measure because once again, my soul has been touched by another person and my day won't be the same. Sir, this balloon is $3.25 plus tax, but its value is by far greater than that because of the love behind it, because your wife won't see it but you love her so very much that you need her to have it"...how do you say any of that?

So I just said, "don't worry about it sir. You just take that balloon to your wife and make it the best birthday you can, and may God bless you both". He thanked me and teared up again and took his cheery balloon on up to his wife. And I took out my wallet and paid for that balloon, because it was the only thing I could possibly do for that dear man.

I hear stories frequently that touch my heart, but I think that sweet precious man will stay with me for a long time. And ya know what, I didn't feel fat, I didn't feel ugly. I felt privilaged. I felt grateful. I felt love.