reflection

Today I learned a hard lesson. Well, kinda hard, but still hopeful. My dear amusing hospice man has been put in the KBR house. His health was failing this morning. Now that doesn't mean he is going to die; it may just mean he needed a little extra care and will get to go back home. Apparently thats the way it is with hospice.

When i first started the volunteer work, it was real enough to me what I was going to experience, but it still was sort of a vague concept. You go visit someone who is sick and spend time with them. Hold their hand, read to them, talk to them. All easy enough. Of course there's the kicker that there is a 6 month or less frame of time you will have, but you put that in the back of your mind and just love on them.

This man has been so amazing to talk to- I don't even have to open my mouth, which for anyone who knows me is nothing short of a miracle in itself. At any rate, he has the best stories and the most history at 97 years of age...what a wealth of knowledge. He has LIVED his life and it is awe inspiring. I look forward to Saturdays with him and I've only known him a few weeks. I went to KBR to visit today- knowing full well he would be sleeping, I had planned an extra visit anyway so I thought I'd stop by and at least talk to the family and just see for myself how he was doing. And he was sleeping peacefully which was a blessing.

Now, when I talked with my volunteer coordinator earlier in the day and she gave me the heads up on what was going on, I was upset. Seriously, I'm not ready yet. He has to be ok. My next thought was, "can't you give me a fabulous old person who has lifetimes left to live" but that was a stupid thought- this is hospice...they are not going to make it at some point. And the vague concept became a crashing reality. My dear old man is going to die at some point. I can't stop it. I can't even pray that he'll get well and live forever- he's 97 for crying out loud.

And that gave me pause for thought...just what is it all about anyway? Hospice is a wonderful organization that is about life- not death. It is about making the most of the time one has left- not just making them comfortable, but enriching their lives as much as possible. That is why my position exists- to help make their time pass pleasantly and with the security of having someone there.

But it goes deeper for me than that, this thought train. I look around my home at my posessions- and I ask myself what is the point. Oh I love stuff, don't get me wrong. But the one who "dies with the most toys" doesn't win... they still die and none of what they've accumulated goes with them. Sure it makes life much more enjoyable, but its not about the stuff.

I've been blessed with a number of marvelous friends over the years...some of the relationships have faded into memories and some have withstood the test of time- and those are the ones I cherish. Relationships and loving other people is part of the big picture. God created us to be social beings- and we need each other.

But more than that, there is an eternity waiting for all of us out there...and the question is how will it be spent? I look forward to the day- though hopefully many years down the road- when I get to stand before God and Jesus and be told I am their child and they welcome me to Heaven. I know I need to spend more time with Them, not only praying but in the Word. That, to me, is what it is all about. Not the stuff, not looks or any physical thing that will fade away...but the joyous reunion there will be one day when I meet my heavenly Father.

And so its been a day of reflection for me. I still hate and am going to have to get used to the reality of the hospice thing...I would love it if my patient would live to a ripe old age of 140 and be able to spend many many years with me, but I know thats not reasonable, nor would he want that. Although it is me we're talking about- who wouldn't want 40+ more years with me? But I digress...today I will go on with my life, hug my kids a little tighter and appreciate my husband a little more. I will be thankful for the time i've been given with my new friend and I will pray for his comfort. And then I will probably get caught back up in the rat race that is life until I get knocked in the head again with life's hard facts. That is reality...and I'm ok with that. I wonder if they have dogs in heaven.