my kate my thoughts- a short post

I'm sitting in a quiet house reflecting on the past 17 years with my katy and wondering where in the world time went. You see, tonight is her junior prom and she was whisked away earlier this evening...kerry and courtney have gone out and I am alone with too much time staring me in the face.

There are so many memories flashing through my mind... I remember when I went into labor with her and went to the hospital- it was scary and exciting and one of the best moments of my life. She was born and they handed me this gooze covered alien looking creature and I realized at that moment I never had anything so precious in my posession before. I held her constantly, her sweaty little head tucked under my chin with her rump in the air breathing softly...I miss those moments.

Then she grew...she has always been a beautiful girl- but at 3 in her cinderella gown dancing with a katy sized elmo was one of the most beautiful memories I have of her...her innocence...her blonde hair swinging while she danced...her chubby little cheeks.

And she grew and started school...that was a toughie- watching those little legs try to climb up on the school bus...she was so little and the bus swallowed her up and took her to school- and away from me- and toward her future and it made me sad but proud.

And time marched on. We have had a wonderful time watching her grow into the beautiful young lady she has become...she's always been an old soul- she has impressed me with her though processes over time...she is awesome. And she is growing up.

I miss the little girl she was but I love the young lady she has become. We have had our bad moments, our sad moments, our giggly moments, our serious talks...we have shared so much over the years.

And yet, I always worry...have I done enough? Is she really prepared for life? Has the way we have raised her been full of mistakes or did we do a good job. Did I spend enough time with her or did I let life get in the way?

She is a strong girl...but there will always be someone prettier, someone with more stuff, someone smarter, someone more talented...I wish I could spare her the hurts that the future surely will bring to her but I can't.

I love my daughters. I pray for them. I am sure I could have done more with the time I've had with them but I cannot turn time back.

So I watch her get into a car with a boy on the way to the prom...praying for safety and a fun time...reliving the past...pondering the future...

Dear God please watch over my baby!